Book Review: Stalk Me (The Keatyn Chronicles #1) by Jillian Dodd

The blurb as seen on Goodreads:
Release Date: September 1, 2012
Publisher: Bandit Publishing
327 Pages

Gossip Girl meets Hollywood in this steamy new series by That Boy author, Jillian Dodd.

Keatyn has everything she ever dreamed. Her life is following the script she wrote for the perfect high school experience. She's popular, goes to the best parties, dates the hottest guy, and sits at the most-coveted lunch table.

She's just not sure she wants it anymore.

Because, really, things aren't all that perfect.
Her best friend is threatening to tell everyone her perfect relationship is a scam.
Her perfect boyfriend gets drunk at every party they go to.
It's exhausting always trying to look and act perfect.
And, deep down, she isn't sure if she has any true friends.

To add to the drama, her movie star mom has a creepy stalker.
A hot, older man flirts with her and tells her they should make a movie together.
And she's crushing on an adorable surfer. Dating him would mean committing social suicide.

So she writes a new script. One where all the pieces of her life will come together in perfect harmony.
But little does she know, there's someone who will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen.

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I feel like I’ve lost a few brain cells. This book hurt to read. I was super excited to read this series. It’s no secret that I LOVED the That Boy series. But after reading this and looking back at That Boy, I think I was blinded by my pure love of Phillip and Danny that I just overlooked so many things. Unfortunately, for me, there were no likeable characters in Stalk Me, so there was nothing to hide behind.  There will be spoilers in here, you have been warned. 

Stalk Me is the story of Keatyn, daughter to a famous actress, whose life is ruled by money, glitz and glamour. It was like The Hills meets High School. Keatyn is 16, only wears designer clothes (which we are told in extreme detail every time), and only does things that keep her popular. She has to be the most self-centered, egotistical, idiotic child ever. Her inner monologue was like nails on a chalkboard. (Remember how I said it hurt to read this book?). It literally gave me a headache.

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Everything in her life revolved around status and looks. Great message to young girls out there, by the way. Keatyn would never do anything if she thought other people would look at her negatively – this included dating/breaking up with boys and having an actual opinion. She cared way too much about what other people thought that there was nothing original about her. 

Now let’s talk about her love life *snort*. Did I mention every boy is in love with her? Oh, well they are. There’s the California surfer dude, there’s the stoned rich boy, there’s the older sophisticated gentleman…and that’s only in the beginning. While she’s a virgin in the beginning of the book, she loses it about halfway through and then becomes obsessed with sex. Apparently it’s the only way to solve arguments. And yes, she’s still 16. 16 and drinking in public places and going off to Europe alone with a boy.

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Ok, calming down…

Now, let’s talk about why the book is called Stalk Me. Keatyn’s mom has a stalker. So everyone in the house is put on high alert and told to avoid strangers and going places alone. Well, Keatyn (because she’s such a smart girl) decides that she doesn’t need protection and goes off on her own where she meets Vincent on the beach. Vincent is 30+ and immediately shows interest in our young Barbie. He’s a director and wants Keatyn to star in his movie. His movie -which is a remake of her mother’s first big role. Oh, and he also has a tattoo of her mother’s name on his arm.

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So what does Keatyn do? Why she goes out to dinner with him and continues to see him and chat about his movie of course.

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When the stalker is finally revealed (three guess on who. Anyone?), plans immediately come together to get Keatyn out of Malibu. She needs to be safe. Witness Protection anyone? Not kidding, this was an actual suggestion. But Keatyn, not wanting to be hidden, comes up with her own plan:

“What if he thought I was a whore? What if I did a slutty video? Wouldn’t he hate me and stop being interested in me?”

Umm…what?

That gets dismissed and they decide to send our precious princess to a boarding school in Europe using a fake last name so no one knows who she is. After some tearful goodbyes to the two loves of her life (the surfer and the stoner), she’s heading to boarding school where upon arrival meets two new boys. 

Shocking, I know. 

The last handful of chapters are spent with Keatyn making out with two different boys in two days all the while telling people she has a boyfriend back home. But wait, it’s complicated. 

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Disappointed doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt about this book. It was the most ridiculous storyline with asinine characters. Unbelievable situations with no emotional connections to anyone. And worst of all? Nothing was solved! While I have the next two in the series on my kindle, I do not know if I will continue it.